CheetahCountrySurprise #7 When there's a
struggle-we celebrate!
Celebrate!
Yes... when a cheetah in the community is struggling we have really found
something. Like the typical food you can get at a carnival or the state fair-
it's like somethin' on a stick. There is no right way to go at it- corn dog,
cotton candy, fried snickers, popsicle, even the turkey leg- ever watch people
try to eat these foods- no one person eats the same item the same way!
The same goes for learning.
Yes-learning is personal. It is like something on a stick. You just have to get
in there and go! So when a student struggles- as partners, as parents we
celebrate! As a parent, I know what you are thinking- you do not celebrate. The thing
is- we should. I don't often use the word 'should' but I will here-with
purpose. Our children are with us such a short time. If we do not ready them for
life, and ensure they can make mistakes surrounded by people who support and
love them, they will fear making mistakes when they are alone- out there in the
great big world. Their personal adventure will come to a standstill if they
cannot move forward out of fear of failure. So, here in Cheetah country,
when a student is struggling, and we notice, we pause, we celebrate- we
say,
"great job you really found something to sink your teeth into
now", or " hmmm, seems like you found a good spot to pause and dig
deeper!". We celebrate and point it out like a positive...
Because it is!
If your child is struggling a lot, he is
learning independence, he is learning how to ask for help, he is learning to
keep his chin up- he is learning grit! He is learning mistakes and failure are
a part of success-not the opposite of it.
If celebrating is way too hard for you..well, practice the pause. I see you
gasping as you read that, but I mean it. Practice the art of doing nothing. The
art of the PAUSE. Just allow the natural consequences we have built into the
community here (the ones we liken to those in the real world) to happen. That
means no dojos about how your child feels, no emails about YOUR concerns,
nothing- just allow your student to vent, to cry, to wince, to complain, and
then... succeed.
If practicing the pause is something you want to do, but you know you cannot -
if you tell yourself you are not a helicopter pilot but find yourself in the
cockpit- fine! Then pretend you are your child's coach and this is a Saturday
morning game, say things like this instead... "Gee that's hard, but I know
you can figure it out", "you are right, it seems tricky, when you are
back at it I am sure you will find a way around it", or "Goodness,
sounds like your group is a disaster with communicating. Getting along with
people is very hard sometimes. I bet if you focus on how you can get along,
things will improve."
If you find you cannot celebrate, pause, or be the coach-
Put yourself in timeout- basically, call yourself out- scream in your closet in
silence- let the struggle come and go. Just like a trip to Disney World- it can
be fun or feel like the worst case of wasted money- either way, it soon will
pass!
Remember, any type of enabling is only going to make things harder, build a
picture of the real world that is untrue, and steal all the practice and
opportunities for hugs and learning that come with the struggle.
So next time you have a little whine-fest in your house- smile.
Success is sure to follow!
Celebrate! Yes... when a cheetah in the community is struggling we have really found something. Like the typical food you can get at a carnival or the state fair- it's like somethin' on a stick. There is no right way to go at it- corn dog, cotton candy, fried snickers, popsicle, even the turkey leg- ever watch people try to eat these foods- no one person eats the same item the same way!
The same goes for learning.
Yes-learning is personal. It is like something on a stick. You just have to get in there and go! So when a student struggles- as partners, as parents we celebrate! As a parent, I know what you are thinking- you do not celebrate. The thing is- we should. I don't often use the word 'should' but I will here-with purpose. Our children are with us such a short time. If we do not ready them for life, and ensure they can make mistakes surrounded by people who support and love them, they will fear making mistakes when they are alone- out there in the great big world. Their personal adventure will come to a standstill if they cannot move forward out of fear of failure. So, here in Cheetah country, when a student is struggling, and we notice, we pause, we celebrate- we say,
"great job you really found something to sink your teeth into now", or " hmmm, seems like you found a good spot to pause and dig deeper!". We celebrate and point it out like a positive...
Because it is!
If celebrating is way too hard for you..well, practice the pause. I see you gasping as you read that, but I mean it. Practice the art of doing nothing. The art of the PAUSE. Just allow the natural consequences we have built into the community here (the ones we liken to those in the real world) to happen. That means no dojos about how your child feels, no emails about YOUR concerns, nothing- just allow your student to vent, to cry, to wince, to complain, and then... succeed.
If practicing the pause is something you want to do, but you know you cannot - if you tell yourself you are not a helicopter pilot but find yourself in the cockpit- fine! Then pretend you are your child's coach and this is a Saturday morning game, say things like this instead... "Gee that's hard, but I know you can figure it out", "you are right, it seems tricky, when you are back at it I am sure you will find a way around it", or "Goodness, sounds like your group is a disaster with communicating. Getting along with people is very hard sometimes. I bet if you focus on how you can get along, things will improve."
If you find you cannot celebrate, pause, or be the coach-
Put yourself in timeout- basically, call yourself out- scream in your closet in silence- let the struggle come and go. Just like a trip to Disney World- it can be fun or feel like the worst case of wasted money- either way, it soon will pass!
Remember, any type of enabling is only going to make things harder, build a picture of the real world that is untrue, and steal all the practice and opportunities for hugs and learning that come with the struggle.
Success is sure to follow!
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